[AccessD] On DB Bloat, Bad DB Design, and various

Stuart McLachlan stuart at lexacorp.com.pg
Tue May 25 18:42:11 CDT 2004


On 25 May 2004 at 11:40, John W. Colby wrote:


> 
> Like most things in life, the reason gets lost in the mists of time and
> become embedded in the "rules".
> 
> I read a very funny story once.
> 
> A woman was teaching her young daughter how to cook a ham.  The mom's
> instructions were to cut the end off the ham, add the glaze, etc etc.  The
> daughter asks "why do we cut the end off the ham".  Mom replies...  uhhh...
> I don't know, that's just how I was taught.  Lets go ask my mom.  Grandma
> says ... uh... I don't know, that's just how I was taught.  Lets go ask
> great grandma.  Great grandma says "You don't need to cut the end off the
> ham.  I just did that because I only had a short pan and I needed to make
> the ham fit".
> 
> Question EVERYTHING!
> 

Although www.snopes.com is fairly sceptical about all the facts, I 
still like this one:

Here is a look into the corporate mind that is very interesting, 
educational, historical, completely true, and hysterical all at the 
same time:

The US standard railroad gauge (width between the two rails) is 4 
feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that 
gauge used?

Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US 
railroads were built by English expatriates.

Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail 
lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad 
tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the 
tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building 
wagons which used that wheel spacing.

Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? 
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would 
break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because 
that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in 
Europe (and England) were built by Imperial Rome for their legions. 
The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts in the roads? Roman 
war chariots first formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had 
to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the 
chariots were made for (or by) Imperial Rome, they were all alike in 
the matter of wheel spacing.

The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches 
derives from the original specification for an Imperial Roman war 
chariot. Specifications and bureaucracies live forever. So the next 
time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's ass came 
up with it, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war 
chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of 
two war horses. Thus, we have the answer to the original question.

Now the twist to the story . . .

There's an interesting extension to the story about railroad gauges 
and horses' behinds. When we see a Space Shuttle sitting on its 
launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides 
of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The 
SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who 
designed the SRBs might have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but 
the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch 
site. The railroad line from the factory had to run through a tunnel 
in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel 
is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track is 
about as wide as two horses' behinds. So, the major design feature of 
what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was 
determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a Horse's Ass! 
 
-- 
Lexacorp Ltd
http://www.lexacorp.com.pg
Information Technology Consultancy, Software Development,System 
Support.






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