[AccessD] OT: Friday Humor

Heenan, Lambert Lambert.Heenan at AIG.com
Fri Jul 29 08:43:16 CDT 2005


A MAGAZINE RECENTLY RAN A "DILBERT QUOTES" CONTEST. IT SOUGHT PEOPLE TO
SUBMIT QUOTES FROM THEIR REAL-LIFE "DILBERT-TYPE" MANAGERS. HERE ARE THE TOP
TEN FINALISTS: 

1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using
individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and
employees will receive their cards in two weeks." 
(The Winner) 
----------------------------------------------- 
2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might
encounter." 
(Lykes Lines Shipping) 
----------------------------------------------- 
3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be
used only for company business." 
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company) 
----------------------------------------------- 
4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
important interfere with it." 
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service) 

----------------------------------------------- 
5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. 
(Plant manager, Delco Corporation) 
----------------------------------------------- 
6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! They've been
working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you
know when it's time to tell them." 
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing /3M Corp.) 
----------------------------------------------- 
7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." 
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation) 
----------------------------------------------- 
8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I
told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work
on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial
to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." 
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists) 
9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to
discuss it with the employees." 
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division) 
LOL, now that's just priceless. 
----------------------------------------------- 
10. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a
project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He
said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask
for it!" 
(Hallmark Cards executive) 


In the midst of great joy, do not promise anyone anything. In the midst of
great anger, do not answer anyone's letter. ¯ Chinese proverb 





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