Brett Barabash
BBarabash at TappeConstruction.com
Fri Jun 10 15:34:22 CDT 2005
Since I've done my share of complaining today, I need to back it up with one of my favorites: Analogies and Metaphors Found in School Essays, stupid but some funny: His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. >From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. Even in his last years, Grandpa had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left ou g, it had rusted shut. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature beef. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. It hurt - the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The information in this email may contain confidential information that is legally privileged. The information is only for the use of the intended recipient(s) named above. If you are not the intended recipient(s), you are hereby notified that any disclosure, copying, distribution, or the taking of any action in regard to the content of this email is strictly prohibited. If transmission is incorrect, unclear, or incomplete, please notify the sender immediately. The authorized recipient(s) of this information is/are prohibited from disclosing this information to any other party and is/are required to destroy the information after its stated need has been fulfilled. Any views expressed in this message are those of the individual sender, except where the sender specifies and with authority, states them to be the views of Tappe Construction Co. This footer also confirms that this email mess f this message and addition of this footer is performed by SurfControl E-mail Filter software in conjunction with virus detection software.