[AccessD] Reminder - Joke Day

Hi Karen:

A Few Stupid Client Quotes

1.) While working on an email-based support desk for an ISP, I received an
email from a client who was having difficulty using her browser. I requested
that she "paste the error message into an email" So that I knew exactly what
the error was. She then proceeded to print it out, cut around the error
message, glue it on to another piece of paper, scan it and send it as an
attachment. And she wasn't trying to be funny. 
 
2.) I work at a call center, tech support. User error of the Day: customer:
"My printer isn't printing!" me: "have you turned it on?" customer: "no.."
Customer: "its still not printing, do I have to do anything else?" me: "Have
you installed the software?" customer: "software? eeh.. What do you mean?"
me: "you have to install the software that came along on a CD. go find the
CD and the manual that also came with the printer." customer hangs up and
calls back ten minutes later. Customer: "now I found the CD!" so I help her
install it. The printer made printer sounds and sounds all right, except..
Customer: "It's still not printing!" me: "it sounds like the paper feed is
struggling. Did you give it paper at all?" customer: "paper?" 
 
3.) Sys-admin: I will remote control to your machine, save everything; I may
need to reboot your computer. User: Ok ... let me do that now. The user took
over 5 minutes and I didn't know what she was doing until I remote control
to her machine. She was opening every document, clicking on FILE > SAVE and
then closing it just to open another one and do the same thing. Sys-admin:
What are you doing? Confused User: You told me to save everything. 
 
4.) I received a call from the help desk stating that the CEO's
administrative assistant had crashed her machine and all of her files were
stored locally because she did not trust the file shares. They were unable
to get the machine up and asked if I could please come by and look at it. I
stop by and I also was unable to get her machine to boot. It was a truly
horrible screen of death. She explained that while working on her documents
the machine "just blue screened" So... I boot from a Linux disk, mount her
hard drive. I then turn to her and ask, "What exactly were you doing when
the machine crashed?? She responded that she was organizing her files. And
she was.... she had one folder labeled exe, another labeled dll, etc... 
 
5.) Political correctness has gone too far. Don't believe me, here's proof.
Client: I want to make sure our website isn't offensive to any people group.
Can you guys make sure not to use any racial slurs or words that sound like
racial slurs? Me: Sure, that shouldn't be a problem. Client: And, can we
make a left handed version of the site? One of my kids is left handed and he
loves that store where everything is for Lefty's. Me: How do you mean?
Client: Well, maybe just post a disclaimer that this site is lefty-friendly.
Then just make sure everything is on both sides of the screen, ya know, a
menu on the right AND on the left. Me: Sure, I guess we can work that in,
anything else? Client: And maybe we shouldn't have sound, because then deaf
people would feel left out. Me: Ok.... That sounds fine. (Thinking: not that
they would know, they're deaf) Client: Oh wait; do you have a sign language
font? You could just do that. Me: No, there isn't a sign language
font(confused), most deaf people can read, sir. Client: Yeah, but they can't
hear. I mean, I want music, but it has to be deaf person friendly too,
right? Just put up a subtitle that says "music playing" like it does on TV.
Me: I have a feeling that will just make the deaf person feel ... Client: Oh
how would you know, you're not deaf. I don't want to get sued. He got what
he wanted, no racial slurs, a menu on both sides of the website, and
subtitles. That's just too much folks.

Jim

-----Original Message-----
From: accessd-bounces at databaseadvisors.com
[mailto:accessd-bounces at databaseadvisors.com] On Behalf Of Nicholson, Karen
Sent: Friday, March 18, 2005 7:11 AM
To: accessd at databaseadvisors.com
Subject: [AccessD] Reminder - Joke Day

I need to laugh.  Any good links, jokes permitted today.
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