[AccessD] OT Friday: Something to take your mind off the Classes for a few minutes.

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! 

LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has
been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the
dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal
and even the accelerator!' she cried. 
The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.' 
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard.' He says. 'She got
in the back-seat by mistake.'
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FAMILY

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the
96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the
other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'
The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts
up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?'
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her
sisters. She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that
forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of
you as soon as I see who's at the door.'
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'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March
day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?' 
'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.' 
And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'
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LITTLE LADY:

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As
she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex.'
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him,
she said, 'Supersex.' 
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the
soup.'
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OLD FRIENDS:

Now this one is just too Precious...! 
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they
had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, th eir activities
had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they
were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad
at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think
of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell
me what your name is.' 
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and
glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
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SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just
heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
Please be careful!' 
'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
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DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could
have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they
came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went
right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the
light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was
getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red
and they went on through.. So, she turned to the other woman and said,
'Mildred, did you know t hat we just ran through three red lights in a row?
You could have killed us both!' 
Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving ?' 
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