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surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
"Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30.


Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.


Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre.


Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.


He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.


The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them in hot grease.


Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at
4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.


The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr.
on a Dr Pepper can.


John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.


The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of
metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.


The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.


He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
River.


Even in his last years, Grandpa had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.


The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
plan just might work.


The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
for a while.


Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell
butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.


She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.


It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever
seen before.


The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.


It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools.


She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword.


She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature beef.


She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.


It hurt - the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to
the wall.


Andy Lacey
http://www.minstersystems.co.uk

Analogies and Metaphors Found in School Essays, stupid but funny:


His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.


He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at
high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one
of those boxes with a pinhole in it.


The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't.