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surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and<br>
"Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30.<br>
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Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.<br>
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Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre.<br>
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Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.<br>
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He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.<br>
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The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry<br>
them in hot grease.<br>
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Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the<br>
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left<br>
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at<br>
4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.<br>
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The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr.<br>
on a Dr Pepper can.<br>
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John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had<br>
also never met.<br>
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The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of<br>
metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.<br>
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The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.<br>
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He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East<br>
River.<br>
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Even in his last years, Grandpa had a mind like a steel trap, only one<br>
that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.<br>
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The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this<br>
plan just might work.<br>
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The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating<br>
for a while.<br>
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Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell<br>
butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.<br>
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She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh like that sound a dog makes just<br>
before it throws up.<br>
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It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever<br>
seen before.<br>
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The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg<br>
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.<br>
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It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with<br>
power tools.<br>
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She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword.<br>
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She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was<br>
room-temperature beef.<br>
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She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.<br>
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<br>
It hurt - the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to<br>
the wall.<br>
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<br>
Andy Lacey<br>
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<br>
Analogies and Metaphors Found in School Essays, stupid but funny:<br>
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His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like<br>
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.<br>
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He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy<br>
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those<br>
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at<br>
high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one<br>
of those boxes with a pinhole in it.<br>
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The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling<br>
ball wouldn't.<br>
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