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<P>I heard a good a good musician joke and I will try to recreate it.</P>
<P>A missionary travels to a far distant tropical island to stay for a time and after a few days he speaks with the chief. The chief asks how he's enjoying the island and the missionary replies "It's beautiful but a little hard to sleep with the drums going all night long". The chief says "drums good". After a couple of weeks, the missionary really is having trouble with the drums and asks the chief again, why the drums continue to play night and day. The chief says "Drums good, when drums stop..bad". The missionary ponders this and when he can really take it no longer he asks the chief "What happens when the drums stop?" The chief says "bass solo". </P>
<P>_d<BR></P></DIV><BR><BR><BR>"Things are only free to the extent that you don't pay for them".-Don Elliker
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<DIV></DIV>>From: PBudge@cbsol.com
<DIV></DIV>>Reply-To: Access Developers discussion and problem solving<ACCESSD@DATABASEADVISORS.COM>
<DIV></DIV>>To: Access Developers discussion and problem solving<ACCESSD@DATABASEADVISORS.COM>
<DIV></DIV>>Subject: [AccessD] OT Friday Humour
<DIV></DIV>>Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2003 07:25:12 -0500
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>Because there are sooooo many musical people on this list, how about music
<DIV></DIV>>jokes? ;-)))
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/jokes/
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>And now, for all the consultants out there -
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was
<DIV></DIV>>the oldest profession in the world.
<DIV></DIV>>The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve
<DIV></DIV>>from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can
<DIV></DIV>>rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of
<DIV></DIV>>Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth
<DIV></DIV>>from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most
<DIV></DIV>>spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you
<DIV></DIV>>are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently,
<DIV></DIV>>"Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "Don't
<DIV></DIV>>try these techniques at home."
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained.
<DIV></DIV>>"She made lots of trips between the fridge, stove, table and cabinets,
<DIV></DIV>>often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, "You're wasting
<DIV></DIV>>too much time. Why don't you try carrying several things at once?"
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to
<DIV></DIV>>make breakfast. Now I do it in ten."
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>The chickens in a large hen house started to quarrel, wounded each other
<DIV></DIV>>and many of them died every day. The upset farmer hurried to a consultant,
<DIV></DIV>>and asked for a solution to his problem.
<DIV></DIV>>"Add baking-powder to the chickens' food," said the consultant, "it will
<DIV></DIV>>calm them down."
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>After a week the farmer came back to the consultant and said: "My chickens
<DIV></DIV>>continue to die. What shall I do?"
<DIV></DIV>>"Add strawberry juice to their drinking water, that will help for sure".
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>A week passed, and again the farmer came to the consultant: "My chickens
<DIV></DIV>>are still quarrelling. Do you have some more advice?"
<DIV></DIV>>"I can give you more and more advice," answered the consultant. "The real
<DIV></DIV>>question is whether you have more chickens."
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>The classified ad said, "Wanted: CEO needs a one armed consultant, with a
<DIV></DIV>>social sciences degree and five years of experience."
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>The man who won the job asked, "I understand most of the qualifications you
<DIV></DIV>>required, but why 'one armed'?"
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>The CEO answered, "I have had many consultants, and I am tired of hearing
<DIV></DIV>>with each advice the phrase 'on the other hand'."
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>
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<DIV></DIV>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>A priest, a rabbi and a consultant were traveling on an airplane. There was
<DIV></DIV>>a crisis and it was clear that the plane was going to crash and they would
<DIV></DIV>>all be killed. The priest began to pray and finger his rosary beads, the
<DIV></DIV>>rabbi began to read the Torah and the consultant began to organize a
<DIV></DIV>>committee on air traffic safety.
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>Pamela G. Budge
<DIV></DIV>>PBudge@cbsol.com
<DIV></DIV>>Creative Business Solutions
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>
<DIV></DIV>>_______________________________________________
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<DIV></DIV>>AccessD@databaseadvisors.com
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<DIV></DIV>>Website: http://www.databaseadvisors.com
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