[dba-Tech] Remotes

Before I launch into this, let me ask this question. Look at your living
room table and count the number of remotes positioned thereupon. Include
those that fell between the sofa cushions while you drifted off switching
between Conan and Craig Ferguson.

 

Why is this? 

 

I can go to Tokyo or London or Albequerque and rent a car and it works
identically, no matter the brand, no matter the left/right rules. The car
works identically. Very occasionally I have to grope to figure out how to
dim the headlights, but most of the time I know exactly where everything is.

 

Borrow someone's cell phone for a moment (said cell from a different
manufacturer than yours). Suddenly you're in the world of "grope".

 

TV is IMO the WORST offender. One remote for the TV, another for the DVD,
another for the VHS. (By now I think BetaMaxes are all in the dustbin.)
Click one wrong button on one remote and you spend 5 minutes figuring out
the problem and you just missed the beginning of the most recent Law &
Order. 

 

I think I hate software, but I hate hardware an order of magnitude more. Why
o why cannot these manufacturers go to IEEE and settle on a spec, such that
one single remote can work everything (including, incidentally, my sound
system, microwave and so on)? 

 

I have seen allegedly universal remotes in the local stores, ranging from
$19 to $99, and they are laughable. The $19 ones assume that you have the
remote to machine X and that you will point them to each other and thus
absorb the signals. Sheep manure! I should be able to point the allegedly
universal remote at any receiving device and inhale its instruction set -
and if there is a problem then automatically visit the manufacturer's site
and download said instruction set and map it to the buttons on said
allegedly universal remote. All of these devices have ops in common -
loudness for example. Some have unique functions (i.e. dvd and cd can jump
to next track), and some have functions shared with one or two devices (i.e.
fast-forward within the selected track).

 

Being a dinosaur, I have lots of equipment incapable of such intelligent
responses (Oracle 3-pin turntable, lots of stuff made by Bose, etc.), but
the modern stuff I would expect capable of IEEE-like responses to a common
set of signals. But it seems not to be the case. At the moment I have 3
remotes on my coffee table, one for each device (cable tv input, dvd player
and vhs player). Aside from the physical clutter there is the intellectual
clutter. Why o why can't I have one device that works everything, including
setting the microwave to start defrosting the object therein at exactly 5:11
pm?

 

I don't get it. This seems SO obvious to me, as obvious as renting a car in
another country and knowing how it operates. I must be missing something
major here. or perhaps detecting an opportunity, as the marketing folks
would phrase it. But I have been bitching and whining about this for years,
and no one has leapt into the gap with a product that can do it. Is this
because all the vendors keep secrets?