[AccessD] OT: Humor - Gripe sheet

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe  sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft  during the
flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the
problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what
remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before
the  next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a  sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and  problems as
submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and  action taken by the engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs  replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight  OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this  aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in  cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on  back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per  minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of  leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume  unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P:  Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there  for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF  mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're  right.

P: Number 3 engine  missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft  handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be  serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with  lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming  from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a  hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

John W. Colby
www.colbyconsulting.com