Keith Williamson
Kwilliamson at RTKL.com
Fri May 4 08:25:31 CDT 2007
OMG!!! Too damn funny. I didn't know that Comcast was in the UK. :) Keith E. Williamson | Assist. Controller| kwilliamson at rtkl.com RTKL Associates Inc. | 901 South Bond Street | Baltimore, Maryland 21231-3305 410-537-6098 direct | 410-276-4182 fax | www.rtkl.com -----Original Message----- From: accessd-bounces at databaseadvisors.com [mailto:accessd-bounces at databaseadvisors.com] On Behalf Of Bruce Bruen Sent: Friday, May 04, 2007 9:06 AM To: Access Developers discussion and problem solving; Vince Daloia Subject: Re: [AccessD] OT: Friday,and rather long. Complaint letter of the year On Friday 04 May 2007 22:23, Bruce Bruen wrote: > I dont know the heratige of this, but it certainly had me laughing. > avagoodweekend! > > > Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint > letter of the year...have a laugh and read on. > > Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words.... A > real-life customer complaint > > letter sent to -- (to their complaints dept....) > > Dear Cretins, > I have been an -- customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for > your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this > three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had > not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity > of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, > so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek to > rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can > have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working > day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office: > > My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my > spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your > technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 > minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more > annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful > website....HOW? > > I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes > - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. > > The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, > although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - > such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem > had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem > arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it. > I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours > between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am > still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my > mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a > variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly > skilled bollock jugglers. > > I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone > will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone > will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows > whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); > that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an > answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be > transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating > Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme. > > Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a > thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of > those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't > care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's > in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, > therefore, if I continue. > > I thought ** were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god- > awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more > disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to > their customers. That's why I chose ---, and because, well, there isn't > anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered > to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless > shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of > distended rectum incompetents of the highest order. > > @@ - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons > of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless > inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and > foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that > you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for > the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to > deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and > disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused > rage. > > I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my > cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for > both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not > become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the > time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did > not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them > the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless > employees. > > Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you > irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats. > > John > > -- > regards > > Bruce -- regards Bruce -- AccessD mailing list AccessD at databaseadvisors.com http://databaseadvisors.com/mailman/listinfo/accessd Website: http://www.databaseadvisors.com -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The information contained in this communication is confidential, may be privileged and is intended for the exclusive use of the above named addressee(s). If you are not the intended recipient(s), you are expressly prohibited from copying, distributing, disseminating, or in any other way using any of the information contained within this communication. 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