[AccessD] OT: Friday, and rather long. Complaint letter of the year

Keith Williamson Kwilliamson at RTKL.com
Fri May 4 08:25:31 CDT 2007


OMG!!!  Too damn funny.  I didn't know that Comcast was in the UK.

:)

Keith E. Williamson | Assist. Controller| kwilliamson at rtkl.com

RTKL Associates Inc. | 901 South Bond Street | Baltimore, Maryland
21231-3305

410-537-6098 direct | 410-276-4182 fax | www.rtkl.com

-----Original Message-----
From: accessd-bounces at databaseadvisors.com
[mailto:accessd-bounces at databaseadvisors.com] On Behalf Of Bruce Bruen
Sent: Friday, May 04, 2007 9:06 AM
To: Access Developers discussion and problem solving; Vince Daloia
Subject: Re: [AccessD] OT: Friday,and rather long. Complaint letter of
the year

On Friday 04 May 2007 22:23, Bruce Bruen wrote:
> I dont know the heratige of this, but it certainly had me laughing.
> avagoodweekend!
>
>
> Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint
> letter of the year...have a laugh and read on.
>
> Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words....
A
> real-life customer complaint
>
> letter sent to -- (to their complaints dept....)
>
> Dear Cretins,
> I have been an -- customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for
> your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During
this
> three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I
had
> not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity
> of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific
details,
> so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek
to
> rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you
can
> have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working
> day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
>
> My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my
> spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your
> technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57
> minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more
> annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful
> website....HOW?
>
> I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few
minutes
> - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly
adept.
>
> The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,
> although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -
> such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem
> had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem
> arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for
it.
> I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours
> between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am
> still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my
> mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to
a
> variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly
> skilled bollock jugglers.
>
> I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone
> will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone
> will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows
> whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off);
> that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an
> answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will
be
> transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating
> Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.
>
> Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least
a
> thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one
of
> those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I
don't
> care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's
> in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me,
> therefore, if I continue.
>
> I thought ** were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of
god-
> awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more
> disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service
to
> their customers. That's why I chose ---, and because, well, there
isn't
> anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered
> to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless
> shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of
> distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.
>
> @@ - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons
> of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless
> inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and
> foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest
that
> you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for
> the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed
to
> deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity
and
> disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused
> rage.
>
> I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my
> cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt
for
> both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have
not
> become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the
> time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you
did
> not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider
them
> the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless
> employees.
>
> Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you
> irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.
>
> John
>
> --
> regards
>
> Bruce

-- 
regards

Bruce
-- 
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