MF
mfisch4 at capex.com.ar
Fri Oct 26 09:18:31 CDT 2007
Two neighboring farmers cannot stop feuding. One, out hunting, shoots a duck which falls inside the other's field. Climbing over the fence, he is stopped by farmer #2 who claims the duck as his since it ended up in his field. After much arguing farmer #2 states that he is prepared to settle the matter by the Viking method. He explains that the method involves kicking each other in turn between the legs until one gives up, and the other is the winner. Farmer #1 agrees reluctantly. Farmer #2 states that since they are on his land, he goes first. Farmer #1 stands with legs apart and hands on hips while Farmer #2 takes an almighty swing with his foot and sends farmer #1 into the air. After ten minutes writhing on the ground farmer #1 eventually gets to his feet and prepares to take his turn. Farmer #2 turns and walks away saying " O.K. I give in! You keep the duck!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- First Kid : "My dad is a doctor." Second kid : "My dad is a lawyer." First kid : "Honest?" Second kid : "No, just regular." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do vampires cross the sea in? Blood vessels! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Have you heard about the magic tractor? It turned into a field. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Did you hear about the farmer who won an award? He was out standing in his field. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Zebidiah Zacariah joined the army, before long there was a call to war and they all lined up to receive their kit. Now because the army did everything in alphabetical order Zebidiah Zacariah was always last in line. Whenhe got to the head of the line for his rifle there were none left so the seargent gave him a broom and said 'point this at the enemy and yell bang bang gun!' Zebidiah wasn't to bright so he accepted his broom with glee. The smae thing happened in the line for grenades and he was given lemons and told 'Hurl these at the enemy yelling Boom Boom grenade and youll be right. He went to war and the battling was fierce, he threw his lemons and bang banged on his gun for all he was worth. Soon he looked around and realized there was only him and a guy from the other side left alive, he pulled out his broom and yelled'Bang Bang Gun!' but the guy kept on coming so he hauled off with his lemons yelling 'Boom Boom grenade! and still the guy kept on coming ...until he was almost right on top of Zebidiah and Zebidiah heard him say " Rumble Rumble Tank!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man and a woman were dating. She, being from a rather conservative religious background, had held back the worldly pleasures that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked. One day, as they driving down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore, " she told him. "Look, let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing." He of course enthusiastically agreed and began speeding up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties. Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than he ever had before, the man became very excited and lost control of the car. He sweered off the road, over an embankment, and wrapped the car around a tree. Luckily for her, the girlfriend was thrown clear, but he was trapped inside. She tried mightily to pull him free, but alas he was stuck. "Go to the road and get help, " he said weakly. "I don't have anything to cover myself with, my clothes are all still in the car and I can't reach them! " she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver behind an 18-wheeler. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he naturally pulled over to hear her story. "My boyfriend! My boyfriend! " she sobed, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!" The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A. A flat minor. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When Laura was three months pregnant she fell into a deep coma. Six months later, she awoke and asked the nearest doctor about the fate of her baby. "You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine," the doctor told her. "Luckily, your brother named them for you." "Oh no, not by brother! He's an idiot! What did he call the girl?" "Denise," the doctor replied. Thinking that isn't so bad, she asked, "And what did he call the boy?" The doctor answered, "Denephew." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teacher: "What is the outermost part of the tree trunk called?" Student: "I don't know, sir." Teacher: "Bark, boy, bark." Student: "Woof Woof!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------