[AccessD] OT: I'll forget them by Friday

Max Wanadoo max.wanadoo at gmail.com
Tue Mar 17 19:26:26 CDT 2009


Friday?  You've got a good memory.

Max


On Tue, Mar 17, 2009 at 7:43 PM, John W Colby <jwcolby at gmail.com> wrote:

> *LOT'S WIFE*
>
> The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and
> turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, 'My Mommy
> looked back once while she was driving,' he announced triumphantly, 'and
> she turned into a telephone pole!'
>
> *GOOD* *SAMARITAN*
>
> A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good
> Samaritan.  She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on the
> roadside, wounded and bleeding, what would you do?'
> A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd throw up.'
>
>
> *DID NOAH FISH?*
>
> A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of
> fishing when he was on the  Ark ?'
> 'No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms?'
>
> *HIGHER* *POWER*
>
> A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been learning how
> powerful kings and queens were in Bible times, but there is a Higher
> Power.  Can anybody tell me what it is?'
> One child blurted out, 'Aces!'
>
>
> *MOSES AND THE* *RED* *SEA*
>
> Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday
> School.
> 'Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on
> a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of  Egypt .  When he got to
> the  Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people
> walked across safely.. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements.
> They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.'
> 'Now, Joey, is that /really/ what your teacher taught you?' his mother
> asked.
> 'Well, no, Mom.  But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never
> believe it!'
>
>
>
> *THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD*
>
> A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of
> the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the
> youngsters a month to learn the chapter.
> Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember
> the Psalm.   After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
> On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of
> the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped
> up to the microphone and said proudly, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, and
> that's all I need to know.'
>
>
> *BEING THANKFUL*
>
> A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, 'Your mother says your
> prayers for you each night?  That's very commendable.  What does she
> say?'
> The little boy replied, 'Thank God he's in bed!'
>
>
> *UNANSWERED PRAYER
> *
> The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused
> and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.  One day,
> she asked him why.
> 'Well, Honey,' he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his
> messages, 'I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.'
> 'So, how come He doesn't?' she asked.
>
>
>  *UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER*
>
> During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from
> one of the back pews.
> Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after
> church, asked, 'Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?'
> Tommy answered soberly, 'I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!'
>
>
>  *TIME TO PRAY*
>
> A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.
> 'Yes, sir.' the boy replied.
> 'And, do you always say them in the morning, too?' the pastor asked.
> 'No sir,' the boy replied. 'I ain't scared in the daytime.'
>
>
> *EQUAL REPRESENTATION*
>
> When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every
> family member, every friend, and every pet, current and past.
> For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would
> say, 'All girls.' This soon became part of her nightly routine, to
> include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her,
> 'Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?'
> Her response, 'Because everybody always finishes their prayers by saying
> 'All Men'!'
>
>
> *
> SAY A PRAYER*
>
> Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
> grandmother's house.   Everyone was seated around the table as the food
> was being served.  When Little Johnny received his plate, he started
> eating right away.
> 'Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.'  said his mother.
> 'I don't need to,' the boy replied.
> 'Of course, you do.' his mother insisted. 'We always say a prayer before
> eating at our house.'
> 'That's at our house.' Johnny explained.  'But this is Grandma's house
> and she knows how to cook!'
>
> --
> John W. Colby
> www.ColbyConsulting.com
>
> --
> AccessD mailing list
> AccessD at databaseadvisors.com
> http://databaseadvisors.com/mailman/listinfo/accessd
> Website: http://www.databaseadvisors.com
>



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