Max Wanadoo
max.wanadoo at gmail.com
Tue Mar 17 19:26:26 CDT 2009
Friday? You've got a good memory. Max On Tue, Mar 17, 2009 at 7:43 PM, John W Colby <jwcolby at gmail.com> wrote: > *LOT'S WIFE* > > The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and > turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, 'My Mommy > looked back once while she was driving,' he announced triumphantly, 'and > she turned into a telephone pole!' > > *GOOD* *SAMARITAN* > > A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good > Samaritan. She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on the > roadside, wounded and bleeding, what would you do?' > A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd throw up.' > > > *DID NOAH FISH?* > > A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of > fishing when he was on the Ark ?' > 'No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms?' > > *HIGHER* *POWER* > > A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been learning how > powerful kings and queens were in Bible times, but there is a Higher > Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?' > One child blurted out, 'Aces!' > > > *MOSES AND THE* *RED* *SEA* > > Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday > School. > 'Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on > a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt . When he got to > the Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people > walked across safely.. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. > They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.' > 'Now, Joey, is that /really/ what your teacher taught you?' his mother > asked. > 'Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never > believe it!' > > > > *THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD* > > A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of > the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the > youngsters a month to learn the chapter. > Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember > the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. > On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of > the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped > up to the microphone and said proudly, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, and > that's all I need to know.' > > > *BEING THANKFUL* > > A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, 'Your mother says your > prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she > say?' > The little boy replied, 'Thank God he's in bed!' > > > *UNANSWERED PRAYER > * > The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused > and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, > she asked him why. > 'Well, Honey,' he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his > messages, 'I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.' > 'So, how come He doesn't?' she asked. > > > *UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER* > > During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from > one of the back pews. > Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after > church, asked, 'Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?' > Tommy answered soberly, 'I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!' > > > *TIME TO PRAY* > > A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night. > 'Yes, sir.' the boy replied. > 'And, do you always say them in the morning, too?' the pastor asked. > 'No sir,' the boy replied. 'I ain't scared in the daytime.' > > > *EQUAL REPRESENTATION* > > When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every > family member, every friend, and every pet, current and past. > For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would > say, 'All girls.' This soon became part of her nightly routine, to > include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, > 'Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?' > Her response, 'Because everybody always finishes their prayers by saying > 'All Men'!' > > > * > SAY A PRAYER* > > Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his > grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food > was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started > eating right away. > 'Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.' said his mother. > 'I don't need to,' the boy replied. > 'Of course, you do.' his mother insisted. 'We always say a prayer before > eating at our house.' > 'That's at our house.' Johnny explained. 'But this is Grandma's house > and she knows how to cook!' > > -- > John W. Colby > www.ColbyConsulting.com > > -- > AccessD mailing list > AccessD at databaseadvisors.com > http://databaseadvisors.com/mailman/listinfo/accessd > Website: http://www.databaseadvisors.com >