[AccessD] Friday OT: Memo from Santa

...LOL! ...not very pc but it got a guffaw here! :)

William

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "John Colby" <jwcolby at ColbyConsulting.com>
To: "'Access Developers discussion and problem solving'" 
<accessd at databaseadvisors.com>
Sent: Friday, December 16, 2005 11:18 AM
Subject: Re: [AccessD] Friday OT: Memo from Santa


> Of course everyone knows that they refused to negotiate with any union for
> fairies.  Told them flat out to take their *&^%$#@ union and move to San
> Francisco.
>
> John W. Colby
> www.ColbyConsulting.com
>
> Contribute your unused CPU cycles to a good cause:
> http://folding.stanford.edu/
> -----Original Message-----
> From: accessd-bounces at databaseadvisors.com
> [mailto:accessd-bounces at databaseadvisors.com] On Behalf Of William Hindman
> Sent: Friday, December 16, 2005 11:07 AM
> To: Access Developers discussion and problem solving
> Subject: Re: [AccessD] Friday OT: Memo from Santa
>
> ...inquiring minds want to now why Alabama, the heart of the south and
> second home to all true Bubbas, was left out?
>
> William
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Jeff Barrows" <Jeff at outbaktech.com>
> To: "AccessD" <accessd at databaseadvisors.com>
> Sent: Friday, December 16, 2005 8:34 AM
> Subject: [AccessD] Friday OT: Memo from Santa
>
>
>> For all my southern friends:
>>
>> Memo from SANTA
>>
>>  I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer
>> serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina,
>> Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
>>  Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
>> renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of 
>> the
>> new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so
>> keep that in mind.
>>  However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your
>> local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.
>>  His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
>> delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few
>> differences between us.
>>
>>  Differences such as:
>>
>>  1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
>> Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
>> "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
>>
>>  2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave
>> an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba
>> doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an
>> empty spit  can handy.
>>
>>  3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
>> instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
>> reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
>>
>>  4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..." when
>> Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on
>> Elliott and Petty."
>>
>>  5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also are likely 
>> to
>> hear Bubba's elves respond, "Ah heer'd dat"
>>
>>  6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a
>> Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."
>>
>>  7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
>> and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing
>> area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the
>> Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state
>> patrol cars crashing into each other.
>>
>>  And finally,
>>
>>  8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, 
>> the
>> wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents
>> under the tree.
>>
>>  Sincerely Yours,
>>
>>  Santa Claus
>>
>>
>> Jeff Barrows
>> MCP, MCAD, MCSD
>>
>> Outbak Technologies, LLC
>> Racine, WI
>> jeff at outbaktech.com
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>> Website: http://www.databaseadvisors.com
>>
>
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