[AccessD] OT: Houstonian Humor

Hey Ken I thought you lived in Tomball, not Houston ;-)

Anyway,
<If you want to be known as an eccentric in Houston, walk>
I think eccentric is too mild a word. Crazy is more like it- if the cars
don't get you, heat prostration will. Houston is the only city I've ever
seen where rain turns to steam when it hits the asphalt- very strange sight.
When we were bidding for the summer olympics I had visions of the greatest
athletes in the world all dying of heat prostration. The guy who said "if I
owned Texas and hell I'd rent out Tx and live in hell" probably had Houston
in mind.

<Think their SUV is perfectly safe to drive at 90 mph while talking on the
cell phone>
The unwritten rule is pickups have an extra 3 seconds to get through a red
light. Pickups with gun racks get to take as long as they like. This has
created something like 100 or so collision between our new light rail and
vehicles in the first year of operation. Apparently no one has told Metro
about the pickup rule.

<For security, more and more Houstonians are living in "gated" communities,
surrounded by walls one brick thick. A child with a claw  hammer could break
through those walls.>
Ah, but you forget the "you loot, we shoot" patrols during Rita- one brick
thick was enough when backed by Smith and 
Wesson. The boys got to flaunt their toys and strangely enough we didn't
have any looting. (Except for one beer truck that got stranded in high water
during Alison- but hey, it was beer)

<Houston was once ranked as the fattest city in America>
Hey, one taste of our BBQ and/or fajitas and you will understand why.

And with (or despite) all that I wouldn't live anywhere else. Remember, the
first word ever spoken when man reached the stars was "Houston" -the Eagle
has landed.

Jim Hale


-----Original Message-----
From: Ken Ismert [mailto:kismert at gmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, August 24, 2006 6:36 PM
To: accessd at databaseadvisors.com
Subject: [AccessD] OT: Houstonian Humor


In response to Shamil's OT Russian Humor post, I am submitting a list of 
jokes at the expense of the residents of my fine hometown: Houston, Texas.

Houstonians:

* Think their SUV is perfectly safe to drive at 90 mph while talking on 
the cell phone, but believe it impossible to park between the stripes at 
a parking lot.

* When asked what is great about their town, will respond "It has a big 
freeway going directly to a shopping mall, where you can eat at TGI 
Fridays!"


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